“Behind most conflict is a longing to be seen and understood.
”
Couples Therapy
Couples often come to therapy at a point where the same conversations seem to be happening over and over, or where the conversations have stopped happening altogether. Beneath the surface of conflict, criticism, or emotional distance, there are almost always more vulnerable feelings — feelings that have become difficult to express, to receive, or to remain connected to within the relationship.
The work of couples therapy, as I see it, is to slow these moments down enough that they can finally be understood. We pay close attention not only to what is being said, but to what begins to emerge between you in the room — the patterns, the moments of misattunement, the points where one or both partners quietly disappear. This kind of attention can create space for greater awareness, more honest communication, and a real return to emotional connection.
What often lies beneath the surface
The arguments that bring couples to therapy are rarely about what they appear to be about. The frustration about the washing-up, the silences in the evening, the recurring rows over money or parenting or time — these are often the surface of something deeper. Underneath, there is usually a longing to be seen, to be understood, and to feel chosen. When that longing cannot find its way into the room, it tends to come out sideways — as criticism, as withdrawal, or as the slow erosion of warmth between two people who once felt very close.
The relationship we have with our partner is also, often, in conversation with much older patterns — the relationships that first taught us what closeness was, what conflict meant, whether it was safe to need, and what happened when we did. None of this is anyone’s fault. It is simply how human relationships work.
What is encouraging is that the same closeness which allows old patterns to surface in a relationship is also what allows new ones to be built. Even relationships that feel stuck often contain more possibility than either partner can currently see.
How I Work
My approach is collaborative, engaged, and non-judgemental. I will not sit silently while a relationship unravels in front of me, and I will not take sides. Where I notice something useful happening between you — a recurring dynamic, a moment of unspoken hurt, or a flash of tenderness — I will gently bring it into the room. My intention is always to help you move out of entrenched patterns and into something more honest, more flexible, and more alive.
The work is not about deciding who is right. It is about understanding the relationship as something that lives between two people, with its own patterns, its own pain, and its own possibility. My role is to hold a space where both of you can be fully present without fear of being judged, dismissed, or unheard.
Intimacy & Connection
I welcome conversations about intimacy and a couple’s sexual relationship where this feels important to explore. Difficulties around closeness, differences in desire, or the absence of emotional or physical intimacy can carry significant weight within a relationship, and they are often easier to live with in silence than to bring into the room. I aim to create a space where these conversations can be had openly, thoughtfully, and without shame.
Sex and intimacy are rarely separate from the rest of the relational picture. Differences in desire often reflect deeper questions of safety, vulnerability, resentment, or unmet emotional need. Working with intimacy in therapy is, in many ways, working with the whole of the relationship.
What couples bring
Couples come to therapy for many different reasons, including:
• recurring conflict or arguments that follow the same pattern
• emotional distance, disconnection, or feeling “more like flatmates”
• struggles with communication or feeling unheard
• difficulties with intimacy, sex, or differences in desire
• the impact of life transitions, parenthood, illness, career change, or loss
• infidelity, ruptures of trust, or the aftermath of difficult disclosures
• parenting under pressure and the strain it can place on a couple
• the influence of cultural, family, or generational expectations
• considering whether to stay together, or how to separate well
• recognising that one or both of you carry earlier experiences which are affecting the relationship
A note on starting
It is not uncommon for one partner to feel more ready for couples therapy than the other, or for both to arrive feeling uncertain about what the work might bring. That uncertainty is welcome in the room. The initial consultation is an opportunity for us to meet together, begin to understand what is happening between you, and consider whether this is the right time and the right fit.
There is no expectation that you will arrive having already worked out what the problem is. That is, in many ways, what we are here to do together.